Are we really friends?
How many times have you asked yourself that question? Ready to answer truthfully? Okay go… I won’t tell…
It can be tough to stop pretending you’re friends with someone. Harder if that pretense has been a thing for a long while.
Pretending becomes so normal we’re not even sure what’s what anymore.
It doesn’t mean you and the individual weren’t ever friends. We change drastically throughout our lifetimes. Dynamics between people change too. We’re so busy holding on to the past, that instead of moving forward and accepting change, we stay in nonexistent “friendships”.
So how do we stop pretending we’re friends?
-> You + Accepting Dynamics Change = Stop Pretending You’re Friends <-
Seasons change right? Your wardrobe changes. Heck, even the cat has moods. So why do we always assume it isn’t the same with people?
Allow yourself and others to change, even if that means you won’t be as close anymore. Doesn’t have to be a bad thing ^_^.
-> The Process <-
Difficulty Level: Challenging
- Step 1: Consider why you feel the need to hold on to the friendship. Ask: 1) Does it make me happy? 2) Can I feel the other person pulling away too? 3) Am I just holding on to our relationship past, instead of the present?
- Step 2: Imagine your life without this person in it. What does that look like? Be honest here as most of the time it’s not as big a deal/loss as we think it will be.
- Optional step: If you choose to, sit down with the person and have a chat. Growing apart isn’t always because of something negative. It can be helpful to let the other person know all is well, you just won’t be as available anymore. Inc has easy steps for dealing with an awkward convo.
- Step 3: Let things end naturally. You don’t have to make a big deal about it. Calls will lessen, outings may stop, and you’ll both move on. You’ll be okay and so will your ex-friend 🙂.
If negativity or issues cause your loyalty to a friendship to wane, don’t try to hold on.
We hold on cause we’re afraid of loneliness, secrets being exposed, of what comes next… in a word, it’s all fear.
For a long while I felt I needed to hold on to every friendship. No matter how toxic, I was that super heroine you all know and love… Save-A-Friendship woman!
This was unhealthy for so many reasons. One of the biggest? I wasn’t looking out for me. I was just too busy fighting for friendships that had long bobbed out to sea.
Elite Daily gives helpful advice on accepting that people change.
It’ll be rough now, but doing this gets easier over time. All the people I’ve let go of, or that let go of me, I rarely even think about. Not that they weren’t once important, it’s just, well… our time passed and that’s okay :).
Having trouble letting go of a friendship?
Comment below :).